Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Even my vagina gasped.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
