Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
