Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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