yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
