I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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