My Higher Power is John Stamos
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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