he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
