'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
