Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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