who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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