I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
