Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Drunk is not a location!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
