I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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