um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
