she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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