I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let's get the cat blown out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize