i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
