I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
