They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
