my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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