Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
