don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
