Sry I called you an 8
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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