Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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