I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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