Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
