The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
this is an emotional support booty call
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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