yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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