fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
