OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"