he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me