we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.