I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.