Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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