Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....