is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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