my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
