Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize