I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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