apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
