So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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