No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
