Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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