Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
