she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
