and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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