dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
