Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
