Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
