Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize