my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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