4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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