The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
