Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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