Just cropdusted the office
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
