i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
