remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
