How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
