Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
