how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
