The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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