isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm like, not good at living.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
