If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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