Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
