my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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