that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
