If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
