She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
