even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
