a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
