It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
