I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
